Home Study #3

Three weeks after our second home study we went to our last 3 hour class and we had our 3rd and FINAL pre-adoption home study! 
The class was down at University Hospital and was it was about baby care basics and infant CPR.  There was one other "adopt-a-mom" in our group so that was pretty cool.  Our social worker had warned us before this class that they had had an incident where an adoptive couple signed up for this course in the past and it was not what the couple was anticipating.  The class is supposed to be about how to care for an infant but for this couple there were with only very pregnant women in the group and it was just a tour of the hospital and their birthing units and birthing styles and methods.  The couple was mortified and it was very painful for them because of their struggle with infertility.  Luckily our class was not like this.  Our class was very informative and we learned how to swaddle, use a bulb syringe, change diapers, feeding schedules, immunizations,what to do when a baby is choking and how to give a baby CPR.  After the class we followed the instructor and her cart of bags of CPR babies upstairs so that we could get our certificate.  As we rounded the corner to the elevators one bag of 4 CPR babies slid off the cart.  I was able to one-handedly snatch the bag before it fell to the floor.  The instructor was impressed and said that we should put that down as a skill in our adoption profile.  LOL.
That class was the last thing on the check list before our last home study which was the shortest one yet.  Our social worker came over and went through our file to see if we had anything else that we needed to finish before we could be entered into the system and become actively waiting adoptive parents.   She actually had to go through the file a few time to confirm that we really did have everything done.  She said that it was just so rare to work with a couple that had everything done and done correctly that quickly.  She told us that she didn't see any reason that we would not be approved when she entered us into the system so once the agency had our adoption book to show birthmothers we would start being considered if/when they had a new birthmother that matched our profile even if she hadn't entered us in yet.  She said that if we found a match before we were in the system that she would stay up until 5AM if she had to to get us into the system. 
After that we were pretty much done and had her pre-approval and so then we just asked questions about what happens next and she shared stories.  She told us that once they had the profile book at the agency it could be any day that we could get a call.  When they call it will be because there is a birthmother that matches our 5 page list of criteria that we are looking for.  Because a social worker does assessments on the birthmothers as well they will tell us a little about her during that phone call.  That is when we get to decide whether or not we want our profile book to be released to her and become prospective parents for her child.  If we say yes to release our book they will give the birthmother our book as well as 2 other books of other families that also match.  The birth mom then picks a family from those books.  She may also want to meet before she makes her decision, it all depends on her and her wishes.  After you are picked by a birthmother and she has the baby she then has 72 hours to change her mind before she relinquishes her rights.  Our social worker said that it is incredibly rare for a birthmother to retract and we should not be too concerned with that happening.  After she relinquishes her rights then there is a 6 month wait before we go to court to finalize the adoption.  This 6 months is to give the birth father a chance to come forward.  There is a state registry for men to put their names on if they think that they may have a baby out in the world and they want to know if they are a father.  So the agency checks this list for the name of the birth father.  If he is not on the list than it is likely that there will not be an issue with him coming forward in this 6 months.  She told us that the only way a birth father could come back into the picture would be if the birth mother told him she had an abortion but actually did not.  However, she also said that they screen the mothers very well and they will be asked about the birth father and she confirmed that they have never had anything like this ever happen.  She also told us that the agency will refuse birthmothers just as they would adoptive parents if they find anything unsettling.  She said that they recently refused a girl because when the social worker came to her house her and the people at the house were noticeably intoxicated and so they were not comfortable with placing her child through their agency.  This was really nice to hear to know that the agency really cares and wants to find the best possible matches.
The last question that we asked her was about time.  How long did she think that it would take.  She said that she couldn't really answer that.  She said that because of how great of a couple we were and how strong and open our profile was she was confident it would not be too long but she said you really can't say that.  In the end it is all up to the birthmother and what they are looking for.  So it is all up in the air.  She told us a story about a couple that we where we are now in December 2016.  From then they got one call and were told about one birthmother that they told the agency not to give their book to her.  The next call they got was the Friday before Mother's Day and they were told about another birthmother and they okayed their book to go out to this mother.  This birthmother picked them that same day and that day happened to be the day that she had the baby and those adoptive parents went home with a baby 2 days later on the Monday after Mother's Day!  They did not have a nursery set up or had any supplies yet but our social worker said all you need is a car seat, you can get the rest afterwards.  That would be crazy if it happened that way but however it happens it will be a blessing! 
Our profile books were printed and came in shortly after this final home study and we dropped them off at the agency a week ago today.  We haven't received a call yet but we are hopefully waiting.  It's hard not to have anything to do during this time.  We have no control over this part of the process.  All we can do is wait. 
**Fingers Crossed!**

 

Home study #2

We had two weeks between our first home study when we received our check list and our second one.  Our social worker had said that the second study would be longer because she would need to go through what we had done and make sure it was all correct and talk about what we still needed to do before our 3rd and final home study so I chose our formal dining room (rather  than the stools at the table in the kitchen) for the meeting so that we would be more comfortable if we were going to sit there for a couple hours.   However, I think she underestimated our motivation level.  Like I said in the first blog, we are get it done kind of people and we do not procrastinate.  In the two weeks we were able to collect all of the paperwork (marriage license, dog licenses, vet and vaccine paperwork, w2's, pay stubs for the past couple months, copies of all utility bills for the past 3 months, and proof of Ohio residency for the past 5 years).  We bought and hung a fire extinguisher, drew an escape plan diagram, listed and posted emergency numbers and a calender of scheduled fire drills and then had the fire department come and do their inspection.  That was interesting... He was supposed to be there at 9AM so I wanted to shower before he got there so that I was ready for work when he left.  However, he got there 25 minutes early (I was in the shower).  The dogs started barking like crazy at the doorbell while I scrambled to get out of the shower and get dressed.  I opened the door with wet hair , no makeup and slightly sweating from the scramble.  He came in not appearing to notice that he was early and that I was disheveled and just stood in my kitchen.  He didn't say anything.  I was under the impression that this was his show and he would ask where something was or tell me what to do but he just stood there.  So I did the only thing I could think of and I handed him the paper from the agency and a pen.  He took it and started filling it out.  He moved one time to check that the alarms worked but that was it.  He didn't look at the escape plans, numbers, extinguisher or anything.  Then he handed me the paper and his card and he left.  Bizarre little situation but another check off the list!
During that 2 weeks we also got fingerprinted, went to the doctor and had physicals and referrals filled out, had 4 of our close friends send in reference letters, read three 200 page books and answered questions about them, and attended one of the required 3 hour classes.  The class was about adopting a different race so it did not really pertain to us for this adoption but it was really neat to learn what to expect and to meet a group of other adoptive parents and to hear their stories as to how they got there.  There was a grandmother that was adopting her granddaughter, a single woman adopting a her friend's child, a couple that had one biological child but could not have any more and a couple, like us, that was adopting their first child after struggling with infertility.   We also finished out 20 page book about ourselves for the birth mom to read.  (It is really rather difficult to write and illustrate your life!) 
So when our social worker came in we settled into the dining room and she started asking for the check list items.  I of course had them in order and handed them to her as she went down the list.  She looked them all over and was pleasantly surprised that they were all done and everything was filled out correctly.  She then went on to ask us a few personal questions like: How do we plan on disciplining? How do we do we handle stress?  How do we handle arguments?  Etc... After that she had to do a quick safety audit of our home which was basically just a home tour and then she scheduled our next and FINAL home study and she left, after just 45 minutes.  The only things that we have left to do are we need to take one more class and have that final home study.  Then we will just be waiting to be picked by a birth mother!
It's funny how intuitive dogs are too.  Since we moved into our house we always new what room would be the nursery.  For 5 years that room has never had any furniture and no one, not even the dogs ever went in it.  However, the morning after our second home study I got out of the shower expecting to see Reese in her usual spot right outside the bathroom door waiting for me but she wasn't there.  I walked out of my bedroom and called for her and then there she came, walking out of that room.  I think she knows...
As we wait for our final home study we have started window shopping for nursery ideas and we have added a pack of diapers or wipes to our grocery list every week to start preparing for whenever we are chosen!  Fingers crossed the wait won't be too long!

Thank you all for how much support and love you all have shown us.  It truly means the world to us!

Bri and Steve