Chosen!!

We have officially been chosen by a WONDERFUL birth mother!!  We got a call a little over a week ago from our agent telling us that there was a birth mother that is due June 22nd and that was looking to place her baby and she wanted to meet us.  We set up the meeting for 1pm on Thursday March 29th.    When we met there was an instant connection.  She had fallen in love with us from our profile book and had already made up her mind that we were the going to be the parents to her child.  So basically the meeting was less like an interview and more of a "what happens next" meeting.  She invited us to her next ultrasound and let us know her birth plan and plan for after the birth.  The plan being that we will know when she goes into labor, we will be at the hospital but not in the room (we will have our own room), after the baby is born we will immediately be the caretakers and in the future she doesn't want a completely closed or completely open adoption but she would like to get pictures and letters.  Everything sounded good to us as well and we knew instantly that we had our perfect match!

After the meeting I started to think about everything.  After being through all that we have been through it still didn't feel right to be overly hopeful that all of this is actually going to happen for us even though everything felt so right (and Steve and I are true believers on going with gut feelings).  I was searching for some sign that this was truly meant to be.  Then it came to me.  I realized that we had had our meeting in which she chose us to be the parents on Holy Thursday.  Holy Thursday is the day that Jesus and His disciples shared the Last Supper.  At the meal Jesus broke the bread saying "This is my body, my flesh, which is given for you" and then he took the cup and said, "This is my blood which is given for you".  I realized that this is exactly what this woman was doing for us.  She was giving us her flesh and blood.  This realization solidified for me the reality of this actually happening for us. 

Even though we knew we were placed with this birth mother we did not want to tell anyone it was official.  We wanted to tell our families in person and Easter was right around the corner and so that gave us the perfect opportunity.  So of course our mothers called and friends and family asked how the meeting went and we said that it went well and gave them a few highlights and told them that we were hopeful and that we would find out after a few days.  What we kept from them was obviously, that we were chosen, and also that we were invited to the ultrasound and we also did not reveal the sex of the baby (which is really had to do when you know)!  We wanted to tell them and reveal the sex in person.  We had to do three Easter's in one day but we did it!  So...

 

 

baby Baker is....

 

 

This one is going to have Steve wrapped around her little finger!  ;) 

We want to thank everyone for all of the kind words, hope, prayers and love we have received so far throughout this process.  Please continue to pray for our birth mother and baby.  Pray for a healthy pregnancy, delivery and baby and that the adoption goes smoothly.  And pray for her mentality and emotions that come along with the decision to place.  We are ever so grateful for this strong woman!

-Bri and Steve

 

Still Waiting...

                                             


So since our last post we have been on a bit of a roller coaster.  First, we started on the nursery.   It's really weird to start putting together a room for a person you have not yet met much less know when you will meet them or even know if they are going to a girl or a boy!  Needless to say we painted the room yellow.  We started a registry at Buy Buy Baby and got all of the major things like furniture, stroller, car seat and we started stocking up on diapers and wipes.  Then our friends threw us a WONDERFUL fundraiser this summer that was so much fun and a lot of help with the financial burden of adoption.   Thank you so much to everyone that came and everyone that donated!  We feel so loved!  And a special thank you to Jeff and Michele Burleson and John Mullikin for hosting the event! 
After the fundraiser we were super hopeful to hear something soon but time went by and the phone did not ring, we did not hear from the agency at all.  We started losing hope that it was going to happen so soon and so we also stopped doing as much in means of preparation.
Then I received an email about attending a waiting mother's coffee.  It was on a Thursday night at the agency.  There was ironically no coffee there (which I was okay with since I don't like it) but it was really awesome to meet with the women and learn about them and their waits and hopes and also learn what to expect at the hospital.  For example, if we get a call that there is a baby I have 2 hours from that time to get to the hospital so that I can get my bracelet.  The only two people with a bracelet will be the birth mother and myself.  The bracelet makes it so that I am allowed to be alone with the baby.  Steve will be allowed to leave and go home if he needs to but I will be staying at the hospital for 48 hours.  They also prepared us for a mother that has a change of heart.  They said that if the baby spends 8 hours with the birth mother then we will all just leave the hospital because that's the red flag that she has changed her mind and the adoption will not be happening.  It helped to know what to expect but it was even more helpful to know that we weren't the only ones in this weird limbo. 
Shortly after the "coffee" I decided to text Sheryl and just ask her if our book had been given to any potential birth mothers.  I was just curious as to where we stood and wanted to get a feel for how long this wait may be.  She texted me back telling me that actually she had given our book out.  She said that a girl that was in school in Illinois was in town visiting some family when she went into labor.  She gave birth and met with Sheryl because she wanted to place the baby for adoption.  Sheryl gave her some books to look at and she picked us!  However, when Sheryl went back to the hospital to do her medical and background assessment the birth mother had taken the baby and went back to Illinois.  She had changed her mind. :(  Although it's hard to hear she changed her mind it was crazy to hear exactly how quickly it could happen!  That was motivation enough for us and we started more nursery preparation like hanging pictures and buying other décor and books.
Then we got a call that there was birth mom that had seen our book and wanted to meet us!  She had just moved into town and just felt that she wasn't ready to be a mom and didn't feel a connection with the baby boy she was carrying.  We met with her and we all hit it off.  Steve and I liked her and felt she liked us too.  After the meeting Sheryl called us and asked what we thought and we told her that we would love to move forward with her as a birth mom and that we really liked her.  Sheryl said that the feeling must be mutual because the birth mom wanted to have a second meeting with us.  We scheduled the meeting but as the date got closer Sheryl called and said we needed to change the date and time because the birth mom had to work.  We picked a different date but Sheryl said that the birth mom had just moved and had yet to update Sheryl as to what her new address was so we couldn't pick a location until she heard back from her.  The new date was rapidly approaching and we still hadn't heard anything.  The day before the meeting was supposed to happen Sheryl called me.  She said that she has not been able to get a hold her and that every time she called she would just get a busy signal.  I asked if it was possible that she was just out of minutes but Sheryl told me that the agency provided that phone so no, it wasn't possible.  Because they were just getting a busy signal sounds like she blocked them.  We will never know for sure what happened with her or why but we do hope that she is okay and that she just had a change of heart.  If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.
So, we are still waiting, but we are now more prepared than ever emotionally and physically.  For Christmas our families bought us a lot of stuff for the baby and the nursery is now almost complete!  And emotionally we have been on a roller coaster of highs and lows but it all will lead us to what God knows is right for us.  It will happen when the time is right, with the right birth mom and the perfect baby for our family.  In the words of our pediatrician, "Third time's a charm!"
Thank you to everyone that asks about how the process is going!  We are so blessed to have so many people in our lives that care about us.  Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers! 

Bri and Steve

Home Study #3

Three weeks after our second home study we went to our last 3 hour class and we had our 3rd and FINAL pre-adoption home study! 
The class was down at University Hospital and was it was about baby care basics and infant CPR.  There was one other "adopt-a-mom" in our group so that was pretty cool.  Our social worker had warned us before this class that they had had an incident where an adoptive couple signed up for this course in the past and it was not what the couple was anticipating.  The class is supposed to be about how to care for an infant but for this couple there were with only very pregnant women in the group and it was just a tour of the hospital and their birthing units and birthing styles and methods.  The couple was mortified and it was very painful for them because of their struggle with infertility.  Luckily our class was not like this.  Our class was very informative and we learned how to swaddle, use a bulb syringe, change diapers, feeding schedules, immunizations,what to do when a baby is choking and how to give a baby CPR.  After the class we followed the instructor and her cart of bags of CPR babies upstairs so that we could get our certificate.  As we rounded the corner to the elevators one bag of 4 CPR babies slid off the cart.  I was able to one-handedly snatch the bag before it fell to the floor.  The instructor was impressed and said that we should put that down as a skill in our adoption profile.  LOL.
That class was the last thing on the check list before our last home study which was the shortest one yet.  Our social worker came over and went through our file to see if we had anything else that we needed to finish before we could be entered into the system and become actively waiting adoptive parents.   She actually had to go through the file a few time to confirm that we really did have everything done.  She said that it was just so rare to work with a couple that had everything done and done correctly that quickly.  She told us that she didn't see any reason that we would not be approved when she entered us into the system so once the agency had our adoption book to show birthmothers we would start being considered if/when they had a new birthmother that matched our profile even if she hadn't entered us in yet.  She said that if we found a match before we were in the system that she would stay up until 5AM if she had to to get us into the system. 
After that we were pretty much done and had her pre-approval and so then we just asked questions about what happens next and she shared stories.  She told us that once they had the profile book at the agency it could be any day that we could get a call.  When they call it will be because there is a birthmother that matches our 5 page list of criteria that we are looking for.  Because a social worker does assessments on the birthmothers as well they will tell us a little about her during that phone call.  That is when we get to decide whether or not we want our profile book to be released to her and become prospective parents for her child.  If we say yes to release our book they will give the birthmother our book as well as 2 other books of other families that also match.  The birth mom then picks a family from those books.  She may also want to meet before she makes her decision, it all depends on her and her wishes.  After you are picked by a birthmother and she has the baby she then has 72 hours to change her mind before she relinquishes her rights.  Our social worker said that it is incredibly rare for a birthmother to retract and we should not be too concerned with that happening.  After she relinquishes her rights then there is a 6 month wait before we go to court to finalize the adoption.  This 6 months is to give the birth father a chance to come forward.  There is a state registry for men to put their names on if they think that they may have a baby out in the world and they want to know if they are a father.  So the agency checks this list for the name of the birth father.  If he is not on the list than it is likely that there will not be an issue with him coming forward in this 6 months.  She told us that the only way a birth father could come back into the picture would be if the birth mother told him she had an abortion but actually did not.  However, she also said that they screen the mothers very well and they will be asked about the birth father and she confirmed that they have never had anything like this ever happen.  She also told us that the agency will refuse birthmothers just as they would adoptive parents if they find anything unsettling.  She said that they recently refused a girl because when the social worker came to her house her and the people at the house were noticeably intoxicated and so they were not comfortable with placing her child through their agency.  This was really nice to hear to know that the agency really cares and wants to find the best possible matches.
The last question that we asked her was about time.  How long did she think that it would take.  She said that she couldn't really answer that.  She said that because of how great of a couple we were and how strong and open our profile was she was confident it would not be too long but she said you really can't say that.  In the end it is all up to the birthmother and what they are looking for.  So it is all up in the air.  She told us a story about a couple that we where we are now in December 2016.  From then they got one call and were told about one birthmother that they told the agency not to give their book to her.  The next call they got was the Friday before Mother's Day and they were told about another birthmother and they okayed their book to go out to this mother.  This birthmother picked them that same day and that day happened to be the day that she had the baby and those adoptive parents went home with a baby 2 days later on the Monday after Mother's Day!  They did not have a nursery set up or had any supplies yet but our social worker said all you need is a car seat, you can get the rest afterwards.  That would be crazy if it happened that way but however it happens it will be a blessing! 
Our profile books were printed and came in shortly after this final home study and we dropped them off at the agency a week ago today.  We haven't received a call yet but we are hopefully waiting.  It's hard not to have anything to do during this time.  We have no control over this part of the process.  All we can do is wait. 
**Fingers Crossed!**

 

Home study #2

We had two weeks between our first home study when we received our check list and our second one.  Our social worker had said that the second study would be longer because she would need to go through what we had done and make sure it was all correct and talk about what we still needed to do before our 3rd and final home study so I chose our formal dining room (rather  than the stools at the table in the kitchen) for the meeting so that we would be more comfortable if we were going to sit there for a couple hours.   However, I think she underestimated our motivation level.  Like I said in the first blog, we are get it done kind of people and we do not procrastinate.  In the two weeks we were able to collect all of the paperwork (marriage license, dog licenses, vet and vaccine paperwork, w2's, pay stubs for the past couple months, copies of all utility bills for the past 3 months, and proof of Ohio residency for the past 5 years).  We bought and hung a fire extinguisher, drew an escape plan diagram, listed and posted emergency numbers and a calender of scheduled fire drills and then had the fire department come and do their inspection.  That was interesting... He was supposed to be there at 9AM so I wanted to shower before he got there so that I was ready for work when he left.  However, he got there 25 minutes early (I was in the shower).  The dogs started barking like crazy at the doorbell while I scrambled to get out of the shower and get dressed.  I opened the door with wet hair , no makeup and slightly sweating from the scramble.  He came in not appearing to notice that he was early and that I was disheveled and just stood in my kitchen.  He didn't say anything.  I was under the impression that this was his show and he would ask where something was or tell me what to do but he just stood there.  So I did the only thing I could think of and I handed him the paper from the agency and a pen.  He took it and started filling it out.  He moved one time to check that the alarms worked but that was it.  He didn't look at the escape plans, numbers, extinguisher or anything.  Then he handed me the paper and his card and he left.  Bizarre little situation but another check off the list!
During that 2 weeks we also got fingerprinted, went to the doctor and had physicals and referrals filled out, had 4 of our close friends send in reference letters, read three 200 page books and answered questions about them, and attended one of the required 3 hour classes.  The class was about adopting a different race so it did not really pertain to us for this adoption but it was really neat to learn what to expect and to meet a group of other adoptive parents and to hear their stories as to how they got there.  There was a grandmother that was adopting her granddaughter, a single woman adopting a her friend's child, a couple that had one biological child but could not have any more and a couple, like us, that was adopting their first child after struggling with infertility.   We also finished out 20 page book about ourselves for the birth mom to read.  (It is really rather difficult to write and illustrate your life!) 
So when our social worker came in we settled into the dining room and she started asking for the check list items.  I of course had them in order and handed them to her as she went down the list.  She looked them all over and was pleasantly surprised that they were all done and everything was filled out correctly.  She then went on to ask us a few personal questions like: How do we plan on disciplining? How do we do we handle stress?  How do we handle arguments?  Etc... After that she had to do a quick safety audit of our home which was basically just a home tour and then she scheduled our next and FINAL home study and she left, after just 45 minutes.  The only things that we have left to do are we need to take one more class and have that final home study.  Then we will just be waiting to be picked by a birth mother!
It's funny how intuitive dogs are too.  Since we moved into our house we always new what room would be the nursery.  For 5 years that room has never had any furniture and no one, not even the dogs ever went in it.  However, the morning after our second home study I got out of the shower expecting to see Reese in her usual spot right outside the bathroom door waiting for me but she wasn't there.  I walked out of my bedroom and called for her and then there she came, walking out of that room.  I think she knows...
As we wait for our final home study we have started window shopping for nursery ideas and we have added a pack of diapers or wipes to our grocery list every week to start preparing for whenever we are chosen!  Fingers crossed the wait won't be too long!

Thank you all for how much support and love you all have shown us.  It truly means the world to us!

Bri and Steve

How we got here

Hoping to Grow our Family by at Least Two Feet

 

For those of you that don't know us, Steve and I met in 2008.  We quickly went from a year of dating, to a year of living together, to a year of engagement and then we married in August 2011.
 We always knew that we wanted kids and to have a family of our own so after a year of marriage we bought a house and began trying to start our family.
After two long years of crushing disappointment month after month we decided to seek the help of fertility doctors.  Long story short, after three years of tests, procedures, surgeries, medication, three different doctors, multiple rounds of IUI and IVF that were all unsuccessful we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.
It was then that we really started to consider adoption.  We of course had our fears.  Everyone has fears of the unknown.  But after talking with our friends that have adopted, our family that has adopted, and our friends and family that were adopted any hesitation we once had was wiped away and so we printed, filled out and sent our application in to the same agency that Steve's cousin and his wife used and are using again for their second child.
Two days went by and then I received a call from the agency.  The woman told me that we would have to wait two months until we could start the process.  This was devastating at first because we were so ready to start our family but then we thought, well we have been waiting five years, what is another two months?
However, the very next day the agency contacted us again and said that we were ready to go and wanted to get us scheduled for our initial orientation meeting and our first home study with our social worker.  We were over the moon.  It finally felt like the stars were aligning and all the pieces were falling into place.
Our first visit was just a couple of days after the phone call and we met with a woman named Sheryl.  In the meeting we talked about our journey that led us there, what to expect during the process and also we got to know each other.  We both instantly felt comfortable with her and for the first time in five years we relaxed.  We finally felt we were exactly where we were meant to be.
The very next day our social worker came to our home to do our first home study.  Of course we cleaned like crazy!  We cleaned and reorganized 3 bedrooms, 5 closets and the laundry room.  We built shoe racks and a bookshelf.  We changed all the light bulbs in the house, we vacuumed, dusted, cleaned bathrooms, and mowed the lawn and pulled the weeds.  I made two dozen cookies and we set out pitchers of lemon water, had the tea kettle on and coffee brewing when she came in.  She walked in, we went straight to the table, she wasn't hungry or thirsty nor did she even use the restroom while she was there! All that anxiety ridden frantic cleaning for nothing, lol.
The first home visit was relatively short.  She just gave us a packet of paperwork and further explained what all we would need to get done in the coming weeks to complete the process.  On the checklist of things to do were:
1. Get fingerprinted for a background check
2. Have the fire department do a fire inspection on our house
3. Gather our utility bills for the last 3 months, our pay stubs for the past two and last year's tax returns
4. Have our family doctor fill out health status and recommendation forms
5. Have four non family members complete recommendation letters
6. Read three different books and fill out the worksheets that correlate with them
7. Make a 20 page book about us and our life that will be given to birth mothers to look at and basically be the only thing that they will use to pick a family for their child (no pressure there)
8. Fill out a 5 page will consider/won't consider form as to race, number of children, physical traits, behavioral traits, etc.
9. Take multiple classes that are legally mandated by the state of Ohio including inter racial adoption awareness, child safety, infant CPR, and infant/child care.
10. Have a safety inspection done on our house.
11. Draw a floor plan of our house with escape routes, have a list of emergency numbers posted, have a schedule for family fire drills at least once a month, and buy a fire extinguisher.
12. Have a copy of our dogs licenses and updated shots and vet records.
13. Show proof of Ohio residency for the past five years.
14. Complete 2 more home studies.

After her detailed explanation of what we needed to do she scheduled our next home study that she said may be longer depending on what all we could get done in that time.  Steve and I are highly motivated, get it done kind of people so we were ready to get started.

On my next post  I'll let you all know how the second home study went!

Thank you all for following us on this journey and for all the love and support we are already receiving from all of our friends and family!

Bri and Steve